i'm alive!

i haven't blogged in ages...

i was afraid that i'd have nothing to talk about except THE NEWS and i didn't want to share that too early

this may become a wee bit tmi (for you boy or sensitive readers)

i've been on the pill since i was 15. that means 15 years of my body not having to regulate its own hormones and such...that's a long ass time. i decided to quit the pill last year in late sept. to ready myself for the BIG BOOB SURGERY. i had read about the links between the pill and clotting after surgery and that scared the ever-lovin shit outta me. and so i kissed the all too familiar pink pack goodbye and prepared myself for a life with a period every month (i was on those cool pills that allowed for one every three months) things seemed to jump right back to normal and all was well...

again...tmi--i had my "auntie" visit me on new years and then she seemed to pack up and move out. every passing month was a pseudo tense one. i like to get my drink on and have been known to smoke on occasion. let's not lie---i get my drink on way too often but i blame justin. he's a beer at night to relax kinda guy and i all too willingly joined his little club. but at the same time, i was all paranoid that i was knockered up and unwittingly causing all kinds of damage to the little thing and that it was sure to be born with flippers or something. as a result i began buying pregnancy tests monthly and peeing on the stick began somewhat of a habit. (on an interesting side note, even though i am 30, each time i would pee on the stick i would have that "oh shit, if that 2nd line pops up i'm gonna have to tell mom! feeling)

my doctor kept giving me these pills that he swore would "kick start my flow", but they never seemed to kick start anything except a wave of crazy ass emotions that i could live without (ie. bawling on the kitchen floor in front of the open fridge because we are out of coke) and by april/may, i'd figured that i'd sunk enough money into ept and decided that money was better spent on liquer, so i quit the habitual peeing on a stick.

my doctor decided to run a whole lot of blood tests to see what the hell was making me all wonky (hold the comments peanut gallery)..first he tested the thyroid...normal...then he checked some other shit ( i may have been too drunk and or bored to pay attention to what he was looking for) everything was coming out just fine...so then he pops this one on me..."i think we need to test some other hormone levels...you may be infertile." gulp---ok

around the same time, i started to wonder when the hell my flu was going to go away (see where i'm headed don't cha?) i went to my training session one wed and damn near fainted and had myself a proper asthma attack for the first time in ages. now because i am a chick, anytime my tummy has so much of a twinge, the first thing i think is " oh god am i knocked up?" this is always made worse when i call my mother and she says " you're not pregnant are you?" so i rooted around under my bathroom sink and found a test...peed...sweet jebus! is that a faint 2nd line??? quickly i grab another test, say a quick thanks to my trainer for forcing me to drink so much damned water that i CAN pee right away again....3 min later---its so faint i think i'm seeing things.... i call mom..she suggests a calm down and not get myself too worked up, the test results are due from the dr on monday...MONDAY!!! ITS FRIDAY!! i can't wait a whole weekend...

i text my friend chris with my dilemma and he quickly calls me a dumbass and tells me to hightail it to cvs and get the test WITH FUCKING WORDS. brilliant plan...i manage to stop puking long enough to make the 2 min trip. i come home armed with 3 more tests..all the kind that show words and not pesky lines...

"holy shit! there's no NOT in front of that pregnant word!!!"

i quickly snap a picture and email it to justin and chris. i call my mom. she keeps saying that i need to not get my hopes up and wait for the doc. justin replies with a simple, all encompassing--"wow" followed later by an incredulous "my boys can swim?"

nurse calls monday--"are you sitting down? you're pregnant!"

wow wow wow

we make an appt since we have no idea how far i could be. 6 weeks. i'm instantly hit with pangs of guilt...during my wee pregnancy i had already broken damn near every rule- i had been drunk (hammered) a few times, gotten a tattoo and even shared a joint with friends...christ.....

turns out all is ok so far though...i'm now 10 1/2 weeks and everything looks ok.

this is our 9 week photo



we call it "marvin" due to its resemblance to marvin the martian. mom's not too thrilled with our name but too bad mama! lol i'm slowly feeling better. i was so sick for a couple of weeks that i could read or even look at the computer screen without yakking. (thus another reason for my absence) thank goodness i graduated from school right before all the bad sickness ran me over!

and now, i'm attempting to deal with all the crazy emotions that marvin brings. we're happy, no doubt there, but i've been a rollercoaster of crazy. most recently, was me crying into my bowl of potatoes because i was hungry but i didn't want potatoes...but i kept eating them!!! oy vey--i've never been such a mess!

anyhow---off to the gym...hopefully i will update again soon!

copay???? i don't think so!

when did doctors get so busy that they no longer care about the people they serve? That's right...they SERVE me, they provide a service. Now, i'm more than willing to pay them for their time. They provide a good service and one that i (unfortunately) must use often.

I got a new ent about a month ago. i'm always had sinus and allergy issues, but haven't had the insurance to see an ent in years. for my first visit, i budgeted 2 hrs of my time, thinking that i was waaay over estimating. well, it took 3. 10 minutes of the 3 hrs was spent with the dr, the rest was waiting. waiting in the waiting room, waiting in the exam room....waiting......

this dr also had a piss poor attitude about my hearing loss. i know i have hearing loss...i've come to terms with it. it was devastating at first....i'm over it. he acted like it was the worst news ever and even chided me for not wearing my hearing aids! (i ony wear them for work)

so, anyhow, he orders a cat scan of my head to see what's going on in there...

2nd visit- i ask specifically how long it would take and was told no more than an hour since all he had to do was go over the results. i book an hour, 230-330. I booked another dr appt for 345 that afternoon. i get there at 215, sign in and inform the lady that i had to leave at 330. then i sit....and sit..... 3pm rolls around and i'm still in the waiting room. i approach the front desk and inform her that i'm now 30 min past my appt time and have 30 min left. i ask if they are running way behind and if i should reschedule. she says no and that they will see me right away.

so i go in the back and sit....and sit... the nurse comes in and checks my vitals. i stress to her that i have about 10 minutes left before i have to leave. she says no problem, the dr is aware an coming. 330 comes and no dr. so i gather my bag and leave. walking down the hallway i run into the dr and his intern.

"where are you going?", he says.

"i told them receptionist and your nurse that i had another appointment and had to leave at 330."

"well, what time is your appointment?"

"345, i have to go."

"well, its only 330."

"no, no, my appointment with YOU was an hour ago, 230."

"oh well....you're leaving? we haven't gone over your results." (this man is smart enough to be a dr eh?)

"yes, you see i respect people who block out time in their day for me. i show them this respect by showing up to appointments ON TIME, just like i did FOR YOU."

i continue down the hall and out into the lobby.

i'm walking out the door and the receptionist stops me by yelling my name.

"wait christy, you didn't pay your co-pay!"

i stop...and turn around thinking she surely must be mistaken. so, i tell her, "no, i didn't get to see the dr at all, i'm not paying."

"you owe $30 for a co-pay"

"i don't think you heard me...i didn't see the dr, i'm not paying a damn fee."

"ma'am watch your language"

"what??? who the fuck are you to tell me what i can and can not say? I'm not paying the god damned fee."

"christina, you have to stop cursing and pay your co-pay."

"who are you? my fucking mom? I don't think so (by now i'm not being quiet at all) i'm not paying your fucking co-pay, you can kiss my ass!"

at this point i turn to the room full of people (all adults -had there been children i would have made a better effort to censor myself) and announce, " i hope you all brought something to read and have nothing to do all day---you'll be here forever!"

and with that i stomped out. now, i'm not saying that my response was at all appropriate, but i'm not the type to keep quiet about how i feel and i'm definitely not the type to allow people to talk to me like they are my mother. i am an adult woman and i'll curse when and where i please. besides, had the dr seen me, we wouldn't have had that problem right????

excuse me, you're in my bubble....

so i went to the store last week ("last week!"' you say....yes yes..i've been way too focused on homework and not nearly focused enough on my blogging...) anyhow...

picture it....sicily..no wait, kroger in dublin. the hunny is gone for the weekend (woohoo) and all i want to do is have some me time. (not THAT kind of me time zachary.... our mothers read this)

lemme back up

so i took myself out to dinner for a yummy steak. i took my kindle with me for company..everywhere around me were tables full of family types. loud children ran around the joint like unleashed wild animals while the adults either continued to chew their cud, i mean food and ignore them, or ran around after them like the helicopter parents they are. i actually got what i registered as looks of pity from these people! wait a minute....I'M not the one sitting here watching these little ankle biters running around while wishing to be whisked away...oh no! i'm here happily stuffing my face while stuffing my nose into a book. my world is zen...i have no curtain climbers ruining MY evening thank-you-very-much though i do digress....


after this outing, i decided that the perfect evening for me would be a night of wine and chick flicks. this is unusual for me, i'm not a weep at the movies type of gal (i have zac for this), but i am very much a supporter of the kill-a-bottle-of-wine-alone---no-it's-not-sad-at-all school of thought. i decided that i would download (thanks netflix!!) steel magnolias i love ouiser and the movie cracks me up before it makes me sob.

i whiz through kroger. pick up bottle 'o red and some chips. i am ready. i go to the u scan.(sidebar- my step dad and my grandma don't like to use these. they say it's because using them means you're not using a cashier, thus driving the need down and causing cashiers everywhere to lose their jobs. i think they're really just afraid of the machine that talks to you in a cute, back woods kind of way...) because i bought wine, and because the lady is so sweet, i had to show my id to the cashier before i could continue. i go over to do so, and have to stand in line because she was helping some old fart who couldn't figure out the newfangled gizmo thang...

i show my proof of age and the turn to finish up my order. and there, standing by my wine is the biggest....the scariest looking woman i've ever seen. she's mammoth ok? and not like stuck in the house, someone call the fire department, gilbert grape's mama big...oh no.. this is the my harley and my woman are outside waiting for me to pick up some red meat and tobacco and some ice cold natty light type o gal. she's frightening. i say( more meekly than i'm proud of) "i'm not finished." she says oh and then stands there. breathing on me.....watching me finish my order...i'm about to swipe my card and i turn to her and summon up the courage, knowing that i just may be found in pieces scattered in the parking lot with harley tire tracks on my face later, and say-"can you move back please?"

girl was in my bubble, you know what i mean??? i'm not a shy person, i'm ok with human contact, but GET OUT OF MY SPACE!! remember dirty dancing? THIS (arm sweeping happens here ) is my space...THAT is yours. this woman had no concept of personal space. she did back up and i did finish. i also scooted my chunky ass out the door and into my car a wee bit quicker than normal. a girl can never be too sure.

pissy vicky

Ok, so what i'd like to know today is...who decided that in order for a girl to work at victoria's secret she must be a world class snot?

i'm not the biggest fan of shopping. i generally do most of that online with the exception of shoes. but, now that i've bought myself some new girls; i don't have to special order the lunch lady bras i used to wear anymore(woohoo!!!!!) a few weeks back, i decided that the new ladies were healed up enough to attempt life with an underwire again. i'd never NOT had an underwire before the surgery, and can't imagine life without one. this is kinda strange. i thought that after my surgery i would never want one again, but they just don't seem as perky without one. this is me before surgery to give you an idea of the massive boobage i'm talking about





so i decided to be brave and go to vicky's. i am instantly uncomfortable when i walk into a vicky's. the place smells like a church...all the floral perfumes intermingling, and one instantly is surrounded by reasons to feel bad about yourself....seeing all the tiny thongs make me long for thinner days and regret whatever it was i had for lunch that day. another annoying thing is the sales girls...these prissy, clad-in-all-black, chicks must be able to sense fresh meat much like a ravenous lioness, because they swarm around their prey before she can even make it to the bra section.

now, the first time i went, it was painfully long. i did find (miracles of all miracles) a sweet saleslady who helped me figure out what size i am now and what styles i like best. it took forever and poor justin had to sit out in the bored-off-their-ass-husband area. you know, the couch where the boys sit and fantasize about their wives wearing barely there shit that no one over a size 0 can pull off without massive loads of booze? i must say, he was a brave soldier who kept emailing me fun, gigantic boob pictures while i was trapped in the fitting room waiting for some help.



he also received what he deemed fabulous news, and what i declared a "fucking joke", i am a 36 D now. look guys, i paid to have these things trimmed down-no-scratch that....i wanted major cutting. i asked the surgeon for a B, she recommended C I have a D. I AM NOT HAPPY ABOUT THIS. i know, D is not huge and all that, but c'mon! i must admit, it's still one hell of a difference...before and after..





so, today i decided to brave the store again to use up my remaining gift card. i also realized that in my shopping bliss i had neglected to get a plain white or a plain black bra. i was so enticed by the idea of colorful bras, that i ignored basics. so i go in and am immediately surrounded by the girls. i tell the one exactly what i want. "the body by victoria bra in black and in white please" she leads me through the maze of unmentionables and to where i need to be. i spot my size and snag the two i want. she says, "have you tried the biofit? i just love it!" (this line, to be most effective should be read in your best valley girl/cheerleader voice) i reply that i have tried it and have it at home, but am not a fan because the straps always fall down. she looks very perplexed (even tilts her head to the side like a puppy who can't find his ball) and says "um, like, you know you can adjust the straps right?"

RIIIGHT...i grit my teeth and kindly say "yes, i DO know that. i want these bras only thanks" then this brilliant little tart says" well how about a push up bra...i mean cleavage is like...in" i say no thanks and she then launches into a cute little antedote on cleavage and how much boys like it...i look her dead in the eye (with my beautiful bloody eye mind you) and say "look honey, i've spent most of my life with tits bigger than you can imagine. i do not want cleavage ok?"

i swear she looked like someone had smacked her in the face! she even flinched...her mouth dropped open and she huffed away leaving me to smugly make my way to the check out toting the two plain jane bras i'd come for. i just want to take one of these ladies by the shoulders, give her a good hard shake and yell "SNAP OUT OF IT FOR JEEBUS SAKE!" but i'm afraid i'll shake the brains right out of her noggin' and she'll never become the scientist she's meant to be....

who let the dogs out?

....lemme tell you about my day today...


I had to wake up very early to get moving today...something kinda hard to do after the rough weekend i told ya'll about. so i chug my coffee and realize at about cup #3 that i just may have made it too strong...and i'm already driving at this point...


um..yeah not starting off too well. so i manage to NOT shit myself and make it plenty early enough to *ahem* attend to nature.

so i'm in good spirits, hopped up on caffeine and ready to conquer my day. then i go into the conference room.....it's a conference about disabilities and accommodations.....



what do blind and many disabled folks have that i'm severely allergic to???? you guessed it-gold star for you....




shit. shit shit shit....there are like 18 dogs in the room

within an hour i'm a snotty, wheezy mess. and i have about 8 more hours left to go. what do i do? the only rational thing i can... i take benadryl...three of them...in addition to the daily allergy meds i take.

fast forward about 2 hrs how am i feeling??????




yeah..try making sense out of fast talking speakers when you barely feel able to tie your own shoes without slobbering on the floor. speaking of shoes...i also wore my newest, cutest shoes today. can we say BLISTERS?? ee gads i wasn't even standing all day. wtf?? those bitches are going back damnit!

by the end of the day i was a hot mess. the last workshop was about wounded vets coming home and the speaker was talking about exploding IEDs causing so many injuries....um yeah...i kept saying exploding IUDs which, while funny and would be traumatic if they did, in fact, explode is very very NOT what the presenter was saying. i also said that wheelchair ramps could have up to an 80% grade???? wha??? that's like almost straight up and down! the worst part was i knew somewhere in my drug riddled mind i knew that that was wrong.

oh yeah - the consumer also told me that my eye looked freaky..she's right it's worse today

i'm beat...i'm deflated...i'm stuffy and near asthma attack hell...i'm gonna go massage my blistered feet and puff on an inhaler


later guys

oh..grow up!

I had a weekend full of ups and downs. I had class all day saturday, definate down. this class blows big time. you can tell the teacher doesn't want to be there and none of the students are thrilled about it either. blah..few more weeks.

after class, i went to get my 6th tattoo. i haven't gotten a tattoo in about five years and i must say...i like it





That is taken right after i got it while driving home. i think it's super cute and it's my first one with color.

after i got home, i worked on some check printing for an upcoming workshop and then went to meet the boyz at a nearby bar. they had gone to the osu spring game and were in need of dinner and beer, but mostly-shade.

fast forward about 10 hrs.....coming home from white castle with jus and chad. jus is driving and decides to be funny and try to make me drop my beloved chicken rings by hitting the brakes. he succeeds the second time to with i deftly responded by picking up a big cup of coke and throwing it in his face. yes-while he's driving. there was pop EVERYWHERE

yesterday i felt worse than i have in years..sick sick sick...i pleaded with the universe, swore to swear off booze forever...all to no avail. i ended up kneeling in prayer to the porcelain gods. in doing this, apparently i was quite forceful because i broke lots of blood vessels in and around my eyes.





so, i'm a mess. lol i'm feeling back to normal today, but my eye will be a scarlet letter of sorts for the next week or so. i actually think its worse today than in this photo. the red touches the blue of my eye now. how embarrassing!

will i ever learn???

oh yeah- i cleaned all the pop yesterday...well, not all of it...seems chad had some spillage in the back seat as well...will do that today.

Pictures of you

I decided to go through some old pictures tonight. this is something i like to do every now and again. they make me smile and remember great times. they also make me laugh. tonight i caught myself remembering how much fun i had growing up playing euchre at my grandparents'. my friends would join and we loved it


lol! no...really...we did

well....HE LOVED IT


OMG! we are a beautiful bunch! that got me thinking about some other favorite shots of myself and family members showing the world how we feel about having pictures taken. we have many different responses to someone saying "say cheese!!"

it starts with an "ok ok...i'll give you a scary-ass grin damnit"

then we start to wonder if you'll ever stop taking our picture

we might get nervous

or annoyed



especially if you caught us by surprise




then we might get a little bit crazy

and make threats of violence


which would definitely leave us very worn out



i'm sorry...i'm lame! i just love making fun of bad pictures.

AND...

i just realized that this blog sounds very much like a childrens' book and that happened unintentionally. my apologies....