Monday, March 8, 2010

the shit hit the fan!- well---- hit the baby!!

so last week i decided to begin our adventures in cloth diapering. i've been looking forward to using these diapers that a certain friend shelled out serious cash for, not to mention the savings on disposable diapers. (they are so costly) we got these diapers called fuzzi bunz one size diapers. they are what's known as pocket diapers and what's cool about them is they adjust to fit babies from 7 to 35 lbs. i put olivia in her first one and adjusted the elastics around her tummy and thighs, snapped it on and took a look at my sweet girl. SHE HAD THE BIGGEST BABY BOOTY EVER!!! due to the need for these diapers to fit big babies too, they are chunky on the butt. she has to wear pants a size up from her normal just to accommodate for the junk in her infant trunk. but that's ok with me if we're just chilling at home, so i found bigger pants and we rocked the cloth.

they've been working out pretty well with one exception. let me explain first that we purchased a sprayer that attaches to the toilet to *ahem* rinse the poo into the potty before the dirty diaper goes into the laundry. now, i was so excited to get into the cloth, i didn't wait to get this sprayer before we started wearing them.... BIG FAT MISTAKE!

last friday- i had one of those moments where you have to either laugh hysterically or sob, and you can, perhaps, get away with doing a bit of both. one of those moments when you're not sure if what just happened REALLY happened and you just don't know what to do next.

the day started out great. liv slept well all night, only waking up to eat and then passing back out. we were both up, showered and dressed by 9 am. (this, by the way, is an amazing feat--there are days that i'm not showered before 4 pm) we had to go to target. i wore my moby wrap (omg THE best thing i bought for us so far) and we were off....we were in the store not 5 minutes when she puked. due to the position she was in, this of course, ran down between my boobs. lovely...i shrug it off (oh what motherhood can do to you!) and keep shopping. she slowly begins to fuss..and then cry...and then wail. i'm rushing through the store like i'm a contestant in supermarket sweep. we cash out and get out to the car. i wrestle her into her car seat ( oh how she hates it) and think "when the car starts moving, she'll pass out. " WRONG!! she screamed all the way home!!!

about 15 very tense minutes later we get home and i lug everything into the house- screaming baby and all. my blood pressure was through the roof i'm sure. i drop everything(not the baby)and begin to warm up a bottle. a frantic 5 minutes later, we settle down. after eating, like any good baby, she decides to do a #2 in her cloth diaper. i change her, put her back in the moby, and scratch my head at this new dilemna. how to clean this bad boy without the sprayer??

i go into the bathroom and spy our shower has a long tube, the kind you can grab and bring into the tub ( i love this when rinsing my hair after dying it) so, i hang the nasty diaper over the toilet, grab the shower head and turn it on. the water hits the dipe at a speed not intended for bodily fluids. shit goes flying everywhere! on my face, on the floor, on the celing and toilet and all over the back of liv's head!!! at that very moment, my lovely little one pukes down the front of my shirt again. now i have a sopping wet diaper in one hand and a still running shower head in the other, i've got shit on my lips, eyes, face and puke lazily making its way to my belly button. i take the showerhead back to its rightful place, splashing water all over the floor. and now i've got a puddle. and the coup de gras, leia walked in, assessed the situation and promptly took a shit on the floor next to me. i just stood there for awhile, dripping, stinking, stewing....then i started to laugh. i laughed so hard I almost puked. liv kept watching me and smiling (evidently she didn't know about her shit covered head) what else could we do? everything and everyone got cleaned up and mommy brewed a nice strong pot of coffee. i only wish i'd had some booze to spike it with!

Friday, February 5, 2010

i don't wanna go to work *pout pout*

so i go back to work next week. i start back slowly, a few shifts a week and then full time as of march 1. i have to admit, part of me is ok with the idea, you know the part that likes to have money (haha) and the part that desires adult interaction, but mostly i have been enjoying hanging out with my family in the evenings. justin and i won't see each very often when i go back due to our opposite schedules. but...this prevents the cost or need for daycare.

liv is doing great. she's quite the spitter though...we have many outfit changes during the day. she's gaining weight and developing a little of a personality.

nothing new is going on here. my brother josh is graduating from basic training (navy) today and i wish i could be there to see him. i just had sinus surgery on monday though, and i'm not up for the travel. the surgery went well. it was not painful so much as it made me very lightheaded and out of sorts for a few days. the dr took the hard plastic stints out yesterday and that has helped me to feel better. there is still some dissovable packing in there and i go back in two weeks to get it removed. i can kinda breathe through my nose and should be fully able to after the next appointment. right now, it's sore and extremely crusty inside. andd i keep blowing out loads of bloody snot (pretty picture eh?) better all be worth it!!! i haven't been able to use my nose in years and i'm quite excited at the idea.

back to liv---one thing that i knew we, as new parents, would face that i am not enjoying is that everyone seems eager to give us unsolicited advice. and they are quick to judge. i am a firm believer in what is called attachment parenting. i don't allow liv to "scream it out" because she is too young to understand what is happening. she is too young to self-soothe and crying is her only way to communicate her needs to me. i believe that at this young age, she can't get enough contact with mom or dad and we hold her often. i hear that we are spoiling her way too often. it is impossible to spoil a newborn! she needs to build a bond that is based on trust that we will take care of her needs. we have also been co-sleeping with her. this started as a necessity as i was unable to hop out of bed every few hours right after my c section to tend to her. i bought what is called a "snuggle nest" ( )

this helps keep her within arms reach and safe from being rolled on. i love sleeping with her and she likes i too i think. she and i sleep facing one another and often i wake to a little hand touching my face. melts my heart... i have read some interesting articles about co-sleeping and how it reduces the risk of SIDS. it seems that mom and baby are so attached and so in rhythm, that when baby pauses in breathing (which they all do) mom's breathing helps them to start back up. i don't imagine that we will continue this practice much longer, but i have enjoyed it more than i can say. i can also say that i'm tired of, when this fact comes to light, hearing all the horror stories of babies being rolled on or kicked to the foot of a bed. i know about this...Ive educated myself, and i feel comfortable with my decision, as is justin.

i guess i just didn't realize that becoming a new parent means that everyone will judge every move you make. i think most are well-intentioned, but unless asked, please--keep it to yourself!

speaking of...i hear snorting and fussing...gotta run!

Friday, January 15, 2010

in the swing

so here we are, week 3. time really does fly! we're starting to get a schedule established, and that helps anal me oh so much. i'm the sort who craves control and while i know a new baby means no real control, the schedule at least provides the ILLUSION of my having some.

we've seemed to find some solutions for liv's reflux. we've changed formulas and prop her up as much as possible. she's growing like a weed! up to 6 lbs 8 oz as of last week and i know she's gained more. her face is just getting so round and beautiful!

i'm relaxing a bit (as much as my anxiety allows lol) i go back to work full time march 1st, but i picked up some shifts in february to ease me back into it. sometimes, i look forward to it, to break up the monotony and get me out of the house. but other times, i just don't want to think about leaving her!

i have another surgery coming up. feb 1st i go in to finally get my nose fixed!! i haven't been able to use it properly for years due to a deviated septum and some physical blockage of the nostrils. i was working on scheduling this surgery when we found out that i was pregnant. so, the dr decided to do it while i was already off work. i hear it hurts like a mother, but is worth it in the long run. hopefully, i'll be able to breathe and maybe even smell things!! (just in time for poopy diapers!)

uh oh- the beast is stirring--gotta run!

Sunday, January 10, 2010

where did christy go?

i'm going to go ahead and state the obvious here, being a new parent is hard. now, before you snicker and prepare your "i-told-you-sos" or your "now who's boss?", just give me a minute to say i knew it was going to be.

i love my baby. i don't think that anyone would or could doubt that. i loved her before she was even born, i fell more in love when i heard her first cry, and the minute she was placed in my arms, i knew i would die for this tiny creature, this tiny PERSON looking up at me through hazy eyes. i wouldn't change her being here for the world. but there are moments when i struggle to adopt this new reality placed upon me by virtue of her just being here.

last night i had such a moment while waiting for a bottle to warm ( i have no idea what time it was except to say that the only thing on tv was infomercials). there i found myself, tired, oh so deliriously tired, wearing a nightgown with spit up on my boob, missing a sock, staring down at this newly obtained flabby gut when i just kinda lost it. not a crazy- throwing things and being loud "lost it"- just a quiet, pitiful weeping. now, this was not the first time since Liv has come along that i have cried. two nights ago, i spent a good two hours rocking a fitful baby and sobbing until we both had the hiccups and looked like we had lost the battle with the ugly stick. i know, these things happen.

most of my time is spent, i think, trying to reconcile my brain with this new world. i find myself struggling to find a sense of "normalcy" only to then realize that i don't even know what "normal" means anymore. i miss people too. it seems to me that everyone has kinda abandoned me. given me up to the all consuming life of motherhood. i think this is well-intentioned. i think that people are trying to give me, give us time to bond with our baby and to get to know her. and for this i am grateful. ( i know i sound wishy washy,like i don't know WHAT i want, but that's what you get from someone who doesn't sleep anymore) i also would like people to remember that i am a person first, in fact i am the same person i was a month ago to some extent. call me, talk to me about what's going on out there in the world since i can't go out there right now. visit. i miss being around people. even if its just a phone call. i miss it.

i can't sleep during the day. i have a never ending list of things that need to be done. that's the other catch 22, i want people to visit, but would be mortified if they was the condition of the apartment. the condition of me...

so while this has no point, i felt like getting it all out. excuse the rambling...i think my coffee is done.