Monday, March 2, 2009


so i got to thinking about karma today and i decided to run through a few things that have happened to me in the past week or so. ways i've tempted karma and ways she's handed it to me. now these incidents are not directly related but i've chosen to lay it out this way anyhow. deal with it

my crime: i brought up the fact that a work out buddy hadn't shaved her armpits in a long time (she's building up the growth for a waxing) in front of someone else and i think it embarrassed her. this wasn't my intention, but shame on me

punishment: i damn near ripped my ear of with a hairbrush this's still throbbing...

crime: i not only gave a complete stranger my best "mom face" when he tried to run me down like a wild man with his child's stroller at the mall, but i called him and asshole out loud with the child present

punishment: i almost busted my face open on my dresser....this is because i was half asleep and making a vain attempt to put my underwear on...guess my coordination skills are lacking, especially before coffee

crime: i guffawed loudly and without abandon at a big woman wearing black sequined tights and hooker boots when she walked into a store. i was 2 seconds from pointing unabashedly....( most of you may be familiar with the great line from steel magnolias, "it looks like two pigs fighting under a blanket", well, this chick looked like she had two burlap bags filled with gravel under her tights)

punishment: while washing my hair i got shampoo in my eye. this resulted in a wild herky jerky dance followed by my naked self slipping and taking down the entire shower curtain, pole and all (thank goodness justin was out of town, though had i really injured myself you'd all be reading about the woman who slipped and fell and broke her neck and was subsequently eaten by her ginormous cats)

side note-if any of you are familiar with my old myspace blogs, you may remember that i have this nasty little habit of getting hazardous shit into my eyes-shit like hair dye and liquid eyeliner (i should re-post those experiences here) both of these events were way more painful than the time i accidentally super glued my entire mouth shut, though not nearly as embarrassing..

crime: (this one is ongoing) i like to quietly fart in public places and then blame something (not me) for the wicked stench...i did it recently at a bar and the gym..."jeesuus the plumbing here you smell that????"

punishment: i realised that thanks to this nasty habit my car i'm nice enough to hold it in until i get to my car sometimes...i gotta stop doing this! not like i'll ever get a decent trade in on the car but....c'mon ( note to self, must buy febreeze)

crime: just in general i make fun of everyone, like the woman who wore shorts so short to work out at the gym that i thought she left the locker room without her pants....i haven't seen that many dimples since i last had cottage cheese

punishment: i washed my favorite fleece jacket only to find when i went to pull it on that it looks like it was washed and dried with a poodle....

side note 1- i'd never ever harm a pet, but just sometimes i could see why someone would do this to a poodle when i'm home in the valley and have to listen to my mom's yappy little bitch (the dog that was originally mine and that i left there when i moved)

side note 2- one of my all time favorite stories was when in high school a good friend's cat was accidentally killed in the family's dryer...i know, i know..see what i mean about karma????


  1. yeah yeah moms yappy lil bitch, that mom never wanted that u did clarify in saying it was you who left her, along with all the other live critters *excluding Jacob* in my house, you wait til you have kids chicka, u'll really see some Karma!!! *laughs evilly as i close this*

  2. Hell, I'll never wear my black sequined tights and hooker boots - ever again. Let's not equate my thighs with cottage cheese either...I sort of like cottage cheese.

  3. I have to admit I do the same things. Maybe that is why my life has sucked for so long now. But I think we all made fun of my cat being in the dryer.....Hope things get better for you...sounds like you are having some bad careful out there...don't hurt yourself

  4. falling out of the shower, especially with the shower curtain and rod... classic! ah, good for morning laugh!