Sunday, July 5, 2009

frank and beans!

by far, THE best line i've heard in ages was this, " uncle juddy, is your peebug ok?"

i had just finished explaining to jake why it was very important that he tuck his "stuff" into his jeans before zipping. to further illustrate my point, i told him how his uncle had, just the night before while in a drunken haze, forgotten this oh-so-very-important-tidbit while at the bar. i also told him that now his poor uncle now had a boo boo on his you-know-whats-it and how he couldn't possibly want the same thing to happen to him. now, when i was telling this very important life lesson to the tot, uncle was no where around. so i think it goes without saying that this surprise question (which was full of earnest concern) caught all of us off guard...especially uncle juddy, who promptly replied by turning about eight different shades of purple before groaning, "aw...who told him?" i must say that we all had a good chuckle at my hubby's expense. he was a very good sport about it though, and even provided some details of the carnage to make everyone groan and laugh. poor guy....all i can say is OUCH

the other very good line i heard came from none other than the peebug damaged man himself. the same night the injury occurred, he decided to go to a local bar with his dad and his dad's good friend to play some pool. lots of beer flowed and by the time i showed up (damn pregger dd) he was feeling no pain (this is a good thing, since the something about mary incident happened early on in the night) he even filled me in on what had happened (off to the side out of earshot of all), which helped to clarify the message i'd received earlier simply stating "i hurt myself". after hanging out for about an hour, we grabbed pizza and headed home. some drunken and pregnant late night pigging out happened (lemme tell had to be like watching lions feed to the casual observer) after which we all parted ways to go to bed. jus was in an unusual chatty mood and decided to ramble away for awhile when we got to bed. this was all fine and good, even though i was exhausted. but THIS line woke me up and had me all confused. the conversation went like this:

c "go to bed would ya?"

j " you know what you should do? you should sell your vagina to msnbc."

c" WHAT?!?!?"

j "or fox"

and then he passed out. lol i'm still not sure what the fuck he was talking about, but i did wonder if somewhere deep in that drunk mind of his he though of my girly bits as used and ruined and figured we should try to get a little cash out of it since we will soon have a marvin to support. i'm not sure, but i made sure to tell everyone that he said this, including his mom, who didn't find it the least bit funny.

the next day i reminded him of his brilliant entrepreneurial idea and he got all embarrassed and swore he didn't remember saying that. then he said it totally sucked that i was always sober now because any other time, i would have laughed my ass off but conveniently forgotten it the next day. how true darling, how true...but remember.....



  1. Totally hilarious. I suppose it would be inappropriate to tell Juddy to "get well soon!" As for the last remark before bedtime...nah, not all that funny! Conveniently forgotten though.

  2. I wish I knew what the hell I was getting at with the msnbc reference or the fox reference.

    Probably each would pay money to NOT show the country what is really going on and instead show explicit video (eg: msnbc's prison shows and fox news' news)

  3. I was just waiting for Jacob to then say, let me see your boo boo.... but, dang he didnt say it, totally a surprise to me!

  4. i was figuring juddy meant they should run a fair and balance, up close and personal exclusive (that is, graphic) expose on the the repercussions of not being absintent? i don't know, that's just what kinda flashed through my mind, and i DID think it was funny, very juddy-esque.

    also, i can understand juddy's concern about always having a sober person around now to relay the goings-on of the night before. luckily i don't have one of those, but camera phones are ALWAYS sober... and, while sober people can't be posted on youtube, camera phone evidence can.