Thursday, July 2, 2009

my list 'o rants

ok, i feel the need to preface this by saying that i am honestly looking forward to this whole baby thing. it's a surreal experience, but not an all bad one. that being said, there are many things that i have discovered so far that i do NOT like about being pregnant. i'm sure this list will change, and possibly grow as i grow (hardy har har) but here goes nothin':

*i hate having tums for dessert-everything i eat these days gives me heartburn bad enough to rattle my kneecaps

*speaking of eating, i hate that i'm ALWAYS eating. i feel like a zoo animal! can't miss my feeding or there WILL be hell to pay

* i hate that i've worked so hard to lose weight and now and too bloated to button my pants! i know, i know--this is a beautiful thing and it will all be worth it...but damn it! i've spent so much money and time in the past year on losing weight that i could have just gone on a nice vacation and had plastic surgery after marvin gets here instead!!

*and while we're on the subject of clothes--i bought this be band thingy to wear over my now too small pants. this tube top looking contraption allows me to walk around with my pants undone and it holds them up for me. nice concept yes? however..this thing is so tight that when i go to pee, i have to yank it up around my middle. this forces all my fat to either swell over the damn thing or squish under it. i have always avoided such lovely things as spanx and girdles because the idea of wrestling my fat into a tight garment holds no glamour in my eyes. now i have to do it about every 30 min because i pee that damn often. like wrestling with bacon fat and trying to stuff it into a drinking straw

* and while i am feeling better...i really don't like the looks that some people get on their faces when i am feeling bad. they kinda smirk with this shit-eating look and say helpful things like "ooo not feeling well?" or ""heehee looks like someone needs crackers" ok people, i'm not a 4 yr old with an owie...stop the freaking baby talk!

* and while we're on the subject of people...people people people!!!! i've received more unsolicited advice in the past few weeks than i can recount. i DO NOT want to hear about how long you were in labor, or about your water breaking, or about how much labor hurts. i don't need to know why/how your child refused to "latch on", nor do i need details about your afterbirth!

*and i saved the best for last---i miss wine!! i miss relaxing at the end of the day with a nice glass of red. i miss curling up with a book and a good bottle. sighs....


  1. This may be unsolicited, but get ready for when everyone wants to rub your tummy. Some people are definite idiots. I loved your rant, and I'm sure you are echoing the sentiments of many.

  2. ohhhh no one better rub christy's tummy, I think a couple of ppl will get away with it *Juddy, maybe me, maybe Sarah* but for the most part, I can see her go off on them or smack em down! LOL

  3. i'm shooting nerf darts at that puppy as soon as i'm in range