what the fuck?

so..its my birthday. excuse me if i'm not jumping up and down.



attention all readers: this blog will be bitchy and whiny. it will be full of "woe is me" and "fuck my life" if you would rather not hear it---screw off and read something else


we came home from the valley today. i couldn't wait to get here. and i walked in to 12 piles of shit. 12 PILES. OF. SHIT. in the hall, in the bathroom, in the bedroom and ON MY MOTHERFUCKING BED. it took about a half an hour to pick it all up and scrub the carpets and floors.....still working on the laundry. then...while we were watching tv-SHE SHIT ON THE FLOOR RIGHT IN FRONT OF US!!!! yet i still feel a bit guilty at the thought of giving away a pet that i've had for four years. i know that if we take her to the shelter they will put her down. she's been to the vet. she's physically fine. i don't know what to do....

in other news...i hurt. all over. every joint in my body aches and this carpal tunnel is killing me. i feel tired and fat. i can't breathe through my nose (tho this IS a small blessing with all the shitting going on) i feel like i got no rest. also (tmi) my poor recently-operated-upon boobs are hurting and one looks like it may be developing a hole where it was sewn shut. it's like it's exploding. i know, i know---call the dr. that just means more medical bills to add to the pile on the counter. those bills that i can't pay right now and have some collections out on. honestly i don't owe much in the grand scale of things, but i just don't have the money right now. so they continue to harass me. life right now is quite shitty.

and so, i sit here on the couch...in tears and waiting for the cat to come in and shit again. how poetic

marvin no more...

well, we can no longer call the munchkin marvin.....


we now have olivia! (i was right all along!)

dum da dum dum daaaaaa!!!

just a quick note to say that today is the big day! we go to the ultrasound place in about 2 hrs and i must say, i've been watching the clock all day! my dr. didn't want to do the ultrasound until sept, and i'm inpatient, so i found a place that does 4d ultrasounds and called and asked them if the also did 2d gender determination ones. turns out they do, so i booked my appt.

the good thing about this set up is its cheap ($99) and they will bring me back for free the second time if marvin chooses not to show the goods. they are also giving me a nice discount to use when we go back for the 3d/4d show. (side note- i don't get what the 4th dimension is. time? what's different about 4d ultrasounds? do they just want to sound fancier than the places that have 3d???) another good thing is we find out today and then get a second glance on sept 4th at the dr's. here's hoping the two decisions match!

ive been feeling that marvin is a chick from early on. jus says that these feelings mean nothing, but i did see a study that says that mothers who have these "feelings" are right 71% of the time. justin really wants a boy, someone to golf with and share his love of sports with....his whole family seems to be hoping for a boy too (except our sister-in-law who wants a girl so she can buy pretty dresses and the ruffly underbloomer thingies). my family seems to be in agreement that marvin is a girl, and mom is hoping that's true so she has one grandson and one granddaughter. i think that a boy would be easier, and i've always dreamed of having 2 boys. but, the more i think about it, upon reflecting on my relationship with my mom and how close we have always been, i would like to experience that kind of bond with a daughter someday. for shits and giggles, i tried out some of the "tests" that the old wives tales suggest and all of them came back as a girl. now i don't hold stock in these types of tests, but i thought it would be interesting to see if they came out right.

i am nervous and excited for this evening. i hope that marvin does in fact show off the bits so we can start referring to him/her by a real name. i'd also like to start shopping a bit. i actually felt marvin move last night. i had felt a couple of "flutters" before, but then i felt nothing for a long time. this fed into my paranoia that something will go wrong (i got to hear the heart beat again this morning at the dr and that helped me relax)so feeling marvin really move last night was wonderful. it was a weird, almost impossible to explain feeling, and i think i'm looking forward to it happening again.

i did go to the dr today and he said all looks great and everything is progressing well. (he's very laid back and i love him for it) i cried when he asked how things were going because i have been feeling so bummed out and crappy lately that i've just not been myself. i told him that if i had to decide right now, i don't know if i'd ever do this again. he was very sweet and reassuring. he also said he hears this more often than one would think, so i shouldn't feel bad about it. i think one of the worst parts is that my nose is physically blocked and i can never breathe. i'm really looking forward to feb when i can get the surgery i need to breathe better. i was also pleased to find out that i've only gained 6 lbs so far. (i was worried about that since i've seemingly hit the sweets, sweets, and more sweets part of this pregnancy and i've been doing nothing but eating.)

so, i will update again when we find out what we're having and i'm sure it will be on my facebook after the family has all been notified!

"did you sign that?"-david cook

so mom and i were on the phone friday and she mentioned that she'd like to see david cook in concert at the ohio state fair. after some searching and a phone call, i found someone who had two tickets listed on craigslist. i'm always a bit freaked out by the idea of meeting a complete stranger somewhere to purchase what could always be fake tickets. i've bought osu tickets before in this way and have never had an issue though, so i decided to meet this donald character at a walmart. just to be on the semi-safe side (perhaps a wee bit paranoid side) i jotted down all of his info i had (first name and phone number) on a sheet of paper and left it on my car seat. all turned out well though, he even had some old lady in the car with him (maybe his mom?). i grabbed my tickets and went off to brunch for the french toast i had been dying for for the previous three days.

yesterday mom and i headed to the fair a bit early because we were wanting an elephant ear. after parking a bit away, though not off in the grass like many, we made our way into the fair. now, i hate fairs, i really do. they're crowded, they smell (not that that's a factor right now for me) and it's usually hot. but the allure of an elephant ear got me there. we ordered one to split and the man covered it in so much sugar that mom had to shake most off before it was edible. after the ear we went into the celeste center.

we found our seats and tried to get comfortable. i say tried because this place was obviously designed in the 1950's, way before the expansion of the american ass. these things were TINY. they were also rock hard. while waiting, we noticed a man in a green baseball hat fucking around with a guy on the crowd. we were up in the mezzanine and we could see the floor clearly. at first, we wondered if this guy was just special, but upon further watching, we realized that he was working. it seemed his job was to entertain the crowd by fucking with people. he was quite good at it. i wonder how a person would advertise his/her services for this kind of thing?? so, he kept us busy (guess he earned his pay) while we people watched and unfortunately listened to the conversation of the two redneck twats behind us. this couple was a young pair who found it necessary to comment on everyone around them. i really wanted to give them a piece of my mind when they got nasty about the adorable gay couple in front of us, but i behaved (for once). david cook's brother was walking around before the show taking pictures with people. girls were actually lined up to do this. um...just because your brother is famous (ish) YOU are not at all.

the opening band was pretty good. they were called green river ordinance. they had a few songs that i may check out on itunes today. while they were on, i noticed that across the floor, there was an interpreter working. i was too far away to see her face (all i know is she was left handed and blonde, shoulder length hair and maybe 40ish). when david cook came on he commented about her. he said "this is so cool. we are so in the 90's with our concerts, i've never done this before." then he asked her if she'd like to go on the road with them. he seemed a bit thrown off by her presence all night, but didn't fuck with her too bad as some performers may do. he was silly during his talks between songs, allowing his personality to show through. at one point he said "you , come up here with the shirt. you know who you are." soon a girl came to the front carrying a shirt which she threw up to dc. it said "i *heart* david arculetta" on it. dc got quite a laugh over it and told his stage manager to make sure the girl had a "proper" shirt. then he draped the shirt over the speaker at the front of the stage for the entire show. all in all, the show was good. he sounded very good and they played for about an hour.

today i've been taking it easy and trying to relax. not so easy when you have a cat who refuses to shit in her litterbox. this cat is about to find a new home. i went today and got a second box (again) and put a different type of litter in it (again) to see if she'll use that. it took every bit of my willpower to not strangle her today after cleaning up pile #5 (yes in one morning). then i got to clean for a few hours. justin was in the valley and promised he'd be home "early" it currently 445p and he's not here yet. early my ass. so he got out of cleaning this weekend. i'm a crabby mess today, so i'm going to try to chill out for a bit.

august? where did you come from?

time feels like its crawling and yet speeding by at the same time. i can't believe its august already. in the same breath though, i want it go go by faster so i can get back to a semblance of normal.

i've always heard that pregnancy is a wonderful experience for some and a terrible one for others. i am finding myself in the middle of that spectrum. its not terrible now that i'm able to keep my head out of the toilet. but its certainly not what i would call "wonderful". i know many who say they love being preggo, and i can't imagine myself ever saying that.

things seem to be going well as far as marvin is concerned. the big day is coming up soon. aug 17th we go to find out what sex marvin is. then there will be no more marvin, but a little jack or olivia. all along, i've been thinking/feeling that marvin is a chick, but have had my fingers crossed for a boy. i know, i know, either way, so long as its healthy it really doesn't matter. and it doesn't. i just want to know either way so i can plan.

that's the big change in me that i've noticed lately. maybe its due to getting older, or maybe its a desperate attempt to control that which i can not. i've been becoming increasingly dependent on a schedule and planning. i've been finding myself trying to plan things out to the smallest detail. this is causing my brain to go into overdrive at night, and i'm not sleeping well. this lack of sleep is probably my biggest bitch abt being preggo right now. (that and perhaps the amazingly bad acne..wtf hormones...wtf??)

i feel like we have so much to do before marvin comes, and no money to do it. i'm like a woman obsessed with all of this crap, when all i really want to do is relax. again, #1 reason pregnancy is not wonderful for me. on a good note, i think i've felt a few flutters from within that i can't attribute to gas (for once!) and that was very cool. i like the idea of feeling marvin move around. it helps me realize that everything is ok in there.

eh..i don't know if i even have a point today. my thoughts somehow don't make much sense sometimes. (i think the little bugger has sucked out my intelligence along with my energy)

what dreams may come

so i've been reading all about pregnancy-the horror stories and especially the tales of what this state does to one's body. through this self education, i'm learning about all kinds of terrible things---heartburn, hemorrhoids, gas, weird dreams, and the one that frightens me most___my feet may grow up to a size, thus rendering my lovely shoe collection worthless!!

this blog serves as an outlet for me, and today i thought i'd use it to chronicle a few of the weird ass dreams i had just in the last two days. i've been having weird dreams since marvin came along, and i've been meaning to write them down. i haven't...most are strikingly vivid and very realistic. i remember most in long chunks, though there are some that are just images.

Friday night:

i am at the home of a long time girl friend. this house is not the one she lives in now, nor is it her childhood home. we are both there and so are her parents and her brother. there is a terrible tornado. i remember seeing the very black sky whipping around us. debris is everywhere. shockingly, there is absolutely NO damage done to the house or anyone in it. when it settles down, i decide to take a shower. i go into the bathroom and do so. when i'm done, i get out and with a towel wrapped around me i begin to brush my (dry) hair. all of a sudden i hear a noise behind me. i turn around, heart pounding. there in the closet behind me is my friend's dad, watching me. he comes over to me and takes me by the shoulders. then he strokes my hair. "pretty" he says.

i snap awake at this point, all kinds of creeped out. This is the dream from last night/this morning. it's a bit of a two parter, as i think i had one and then woke up (probably to pee again). when i went back to sleep, i had another with a few of the same characters. part 1

i am at an amusement park with all of the boyz and their wives. we are all sitting loosely around some picnic tables, and we're eating. i notice that the boy next to me (i shall leave names out to protect the innocent) looks very sad and upset. so i ask what's up. he looks at me and says, " you know that situation you're in?" eying my big belly.
"yes"
"i'm in it too. we just found out."
"OH! well, congratulations??" and i look at him knowing he's not happy.
"i don't think so. we're fucked."
"well, when's it due to be here?"
"september"

now, somehow i know that its august in my dream. and i'm shocked that they kept it a secret from everyone for so long. i'm also a bit jealous that someone else in the group will have a baby before mine is due to show up. before i can say anything more, he gets up and walks away. while he's gone, his wife begins talking loudly..
"so i had no idea what was wrong. the dr kept running all these tests."
another wife i can't see says, "what made you go in the first place?"
"my face was all swollen."
so i say, " how far along are you?"
she says, "i don't know."
"well, honey, didn't they do an ultrasound? measure your belly?"
she gets angry at me and yells, " I said i don't know!"

the second part of this involves the same husband and wife from the amusement park...

i'm driving back from the valley and it's very late. i'm really tired and call the guy and ask if it's ok for me to crash at their place because i'm so tired and i don't think i can make it home. (side note-this makes no sense in real life because they live not too far away from our place) he says sure, c'mon over. next thing i know, i'm there and he's at the door. he shushes me and leads me upstairs (real life- they have a flat apt) to the spare bedroom in the dark. the whole time he's silent. there are a pile of sheets crumpled up on the bed.
"you'll have to make it, but they're clean." he says.
"k, thanks"

then he starts to make the bed and i open my bag and change into my pj's. he then says, "she doesn't know you're here, so get up early and leave." then he goes into his room, which is right next to where i am. soon i hear her screaming at him "what do you mean someone's here?" the start to argue and i sit there, on my knees at the side of the bed. my elbows are on the mattress (think old school little kid prayer position) and i'm silently pulling out hundreds of straight pins from my palms. next thing i know, she comes into the room and screams at me to leave. i gather my things and go out the door. i find myself in the ghetto (again not where they live) and i can't find my car. i keep hitting the unlock on my keys, hoping to see my headlights flash.

then i wake up to my alarm. see what i mean? super weird and nonsensical. damn these hormones!

frank and beans!

by far, THE best line i've heard in ages was this, " uncle juddy, is your peebug ok?"


i had just finished explaining to jake why it was very important that he tuck his "stuff" into his jeans before zipping. to further illustrate my point, i told him how his uncle had, just the night before while in a drunken haze, forgotten this oh-so-very-important-tidbit while at the bar. i also told him that now his poor uncle now had a boo boo on his you-know-whats-it and how he couldn't possibly want the same thing to happen to him. now, when i was telling this very important life lesson to the tot, uncle was no where around. so i think it goes without saying that this surprise question (which was full of earnest concern) caught all of us off guard...especially uncle juddy, who promptly replied by turning about eight different shades of purple before groaning, "aw...who told him?" i must say that we all had a good chuckle at my hubby's expense. he was a very good sport about it though, and even provided some details of the carnage to make everyone groan and laugh. poor guy....all i can say is OUCH

the other very good line i heard came from none other than the peebug damaged man himself. the same night the injury occurred, he decided to go to a local bar with his dad and his dad's good friend to play some pool. lots of beer flowed and by the time i showed up (damn pregger dd) he was feeling no pain (this is a good thing, since the something about mary incident happened early on in the night) he even filled me in on what had happened (off to the side out of earshot of all), which helped to clarify the message i'd received earlier simply stating "i hurt myself". after hanging out for about an hour, we grabbed pizza and headed home. some drunken and pregnant late night pigging out happened (lemme tell ya...it had to be like watching lions feed to the casual observer) after which we all parted ways to go to bed. jus was in an unusual chatty mood and decided to ramble away for awhile when we got to bed. this was all fine and good, even though i was exhausted. but THIS line woke me up and had me all confused. the conversation went like this:

c "go to bed would ya?"

j " you know what you should do? you should sell your vagina to msnbc."

c" WHAT?!?!?"

j "or fox"

and then he passed out. lol i'm still not sure what the fuck he was talking about, but i did wonder if somewhere deep in that drunk mind of his he though of my girly bits as used and ruined and figured we should try to get a little cash out of it since we will soon have a marvin to support. i'm not sure, but i made sure to tell everyone that he said this, including his mom, who didn't find it the least bit funny.

the next day i reminded him of his brilliant entrepreneurial idea and he got all embarrassed and swore he didn't remember saying that. then he said it totally sucked that i was always sober now because any other time, i would have laughed my ass off but conveniently forgotten it the next day. how true darling, how true...but remember.....

"YOU DID THIS TO ME!"